Everything happens for a reason.. which is trying to drive me crazy from depression. That's officially my new motto. I don't know what happened to the stars or whether a supernatural cosmic phenomenal thing that happens only every 100 years is taking place above me, but obviously any problems that I could come up with are happening at the same time. All in a day. It was just too much I know I'll drive myself crazy. See? I can't stop ranting in this blog now. It's just hard to keep me sane nowadays. I'm afraid I'll be gone crazy in a few days. It's amazing how I can still appear to be like a girl with no problems at all in life. Because I'm obviously breaking down. I will cry without obvious reasons at night when I try to recall things that happened in that day. I'm afraid of myself. I'm turning into a psycho depressed woman. And apparently my health is turning upside down too. So I'm practically wounded both physical and spiritual. Everything going on inside my body is obviously wrong; from constant big headaches to small toothaches. And my feelings are really screwed, my heart, my dissapointment, everyone is trying to bring me down. Even my computer--the only thing that I depend on--was screwed yesterday. So I thought I would've been nuts.

But you know what? That night, after having a pity on myself, cursing that my soul is trapped in this body with its destiny and all that, I prayed. I started to say a long, long prayer. I could not stand my problems anymore and all I could think who can help me strong is God. Well, you probably will stop reading this now coz you think I've started to preach, but that's up to you. Because I cannot force you, but I just want to share. Anyway, I just thought of Him, and I believed whatever He put me through He'll lead me through. So He won't let anything that I can't handle happens to me. I just prayed and prayed, ignoring the tears welling up in my eyes and started to remember all the good things I have in life. All the good things He had given me. And I started to thank Him. I listed all good things, even some bright sides of the worst things happened, and I thanked for all of that. I thanked for every single goodness I have in my life; my parents, my family, my good economy, my good grades, my skills and abilities. Every person, every friend, even everyone who broke my heart, I thanked for them. Then after I finished the prayer, I said to myself that I still have those all good things and it's nothing compared to bad things that happened earlier. I'm still luckier than a few other people. I kept looking at the bright side and I kept praying.

And all of a sudden my tears stopped. I felt a peace, a serenity inside my heart. My disappointment, my anger, and my fear were gone. Replaced by peace and happiness. Even in the down times in my life I must always thank God for the good things I have. I realized I need to be closer to Him, because it doesn't matter how bad my life is in this world, the one that matters is my after life. I need to make sure I'll not suffer even more after I died. And the only way is by staying close to Him. All of my burdens were lifted up from my shoulders, and I can feel that I'm okay now. Some problems still stay but I'm stronger. I can overcome them. I obviously can. This is just a series of test. You all probably wouldn't believe this, but try yourself. When everything around you seem to bring you down, start thanking Him for everything good that you still have. You'll eventually feel better. At least that's what I experienced. Whether you're gonna believe it or not, I have no control of it.