Just when I figured out it's no big deal.. someone asked me to be his prom date. :P Okay, maybe not a "date" literally, but you know what I mean. We'll go as friends, and if I'm lucky I might get a ride as well :P Considering he's able to drive.. and I somewhat remember him driving his own car? Mr. Gorgeous is taken, though, but getting asked by him has always been a dream only anyways. Well at least I've got an escorter now and maybe I don't have to worry about that unwanted names that are gonna be paired randomly anymore. Wheee. Apparently, someone still wants me! And I thought I'm the undesirable one.

Let's just hope my friends get someone they deserve too, though, cos this feels more fun than I imagined. Sorta weird yeah, but this lets you know how you look like in those boys' eyes. Do they consider you? Yeah, I'm making this a big deal again. Whatever. Just in a weird mode right now. Maybe cos usually no one sort of notices me everyday at school.. well, none of the boys at least. And that makes this feel pretty surprising. I guess the night won't be so bad after all... well what I know is it's gonna be a night to remember. I'm gonna make sure I have everyone's picture, in their gorgeous dresses and suits!

My name's gonna be drawed like a lottery ticket in order to get me a prom date. Hmm.. I'm that undesirable to guys, even as an escorter. Not that I care. I mean.. no big deal, right? It's just a prom. Why would I spend my whole life dreaming about this oh-so-supposed-to-be-wonderful night. At least with them drawing it, I'll end up with someone eventually, and not alone.

Have been really feeling lonely lately, don't know why. Maybe just my hormones making me all emotional, melancholy, and such. But really, I feel like something's incomplete. Yea I have friends I can talk to, but still.. I feel so lonely. And scared. Feels like... what am I gonna do in my life? Indescribable really.. everything in school's going well, I did my final exams confidently for the first time ever, and nothing bad's going on in my life. But why.. why do I still feel empty?

I miss an old friend. So much. I wish I know how to reach her. She used to always be there everyday, and I can share my problems.. anything.. to her. I can even open up to her more than I can do to my parents. See, even when typing this I wanna cry. I'm feeling lonely and confused, and I need someone who knows me better than me. And it's her. Gosh.. where is she now.. I wish she'd call me. I wish she could stay here just one night.. so I could tell her everything that's bothering me. I miss her so much..

Ahem. Okay, so I feel guilty for not updating with good quality posts. You lurkers and stalkers out there should be happy because I deserted my diary and decided to update this blog with something good. Um.. but what can I say really? School doesn't suck too much anymore now that we could go home early everyday, but yeah, final exams are ahead. I should like.. study or something. But look what I'm doing.. *sigh* I guess I'm just tired. TWELVE years of school.. it just reaches up to the point where you're bored, fed up, and just sick of it. Not to mention I spend the whole 12 years in the same school. T_T I haven't been out of the environment for an unhealthy 12 years! Gah. That's crazy.

Still, thinking of leaving such place with so many memories, a collection of 12 years memories, feel hard as well. Although I'm happy to start fresh somewhere else, it's also sad to leave all the things I've grown to love behind. All the things that have been parts of my life for 12 years. Friends come and go, old friends left us and new ones come along. Over the years I've had so many sets of best friends, but most of them now are either across the world now or somewhere else in the city. Sometimes I think it's weird how we can be so close to some people at one time, and another year you just feel the distance gets bigger. That's what I feel with some of my "former" best friends. Maybe I just couldn't fit in? Maybe I realized they're not the ones that can fully understand me and stuff. I've always just been a little part of the group. I've always just been one in the many. I never felt special.

Different it is with my current best friends though. They've been my best friends since high school began, and for the last 3 years, not once did we feel the distance between us get farther. We just feel like we can't live without each other.. in a good way. And in these three years, we've always been in one class. Of course that's because we struggled to be. And is it a bad thing, really? Sometimes I wonder. When you just want to stick with the same people? I'm not closing myself from the rest. I still be friends with everyone else, too. It's not that I want to be an elite clique and shut everyone else out. But I know it does look like that from the outside. I can't explain.. but what I know is that by doing it, we didn't intend to not mingle with the others. Oh, we do. It's just sometimes.. it feels like they are the one who shut us out. Again and again, in our classes, the others form cliques and we're always left together as the forgotten ones. I'm not trying to make you sympathize. It's just the weird reality. Some people just tend to be exclusive, and I don't know why but in the end it always looks like we are the ones that are trying to be exclusive. We always mingle. Some of them don't. So don't blame me for wanting to stick with the people that want to be with me.

Almost a quarter of your life you spend at school. So many things that happened could leave some marks that cannot be erased. Memories that will always be remembered. Stuffs that someday we can reminisce and laugh again at. Realizing how silly we used to be. Realizing how crazy we could be at times. I don't want to forget any of you. And I hope that none of you would forget me too. Thank you for every beautiful memories we've shared together in our time. I love you.

Because school sucks a lot aside from the fact of my "own-private-gorgeous-scenery" and my head hurts and I wish I could have a very loong holiday.. so you'll have to deal with quizzes as updates.

Translated from Indonesian from Friendster's Bulletin Board, because I'm perfectionist like that.

ABOUT ME

1. Your favorite thing?
My computer, my net world, my books

2. Your least favorite thing?
Being lonely. What else? Oh, and sickness too.

3. Are you the type of person who cares for your appearances?
Depends on where I'm going.. I do care for special occassions.

4. Do you like to use people?
I wish I'm not that kind of person, but who knows? Does any of you feel used?

5. Do you feel like you're being used?
Sometimes..

6. Do you do good things for people?
I try to everytime I have the chance.

7. Are you a short-minded or broad-minded person?
I try to keep an open mind most of the time.

8. Do you like to control people?
No because I *hate* being controlled.

9. Are you a caring person?
I hope so, at least I think so.

10. Do you like to help people?
I like the feeling I get when I help people.

ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

1. Are you loyal to your friends?
I try to be, I hope I am.

2. Have you ever hurt your friends?
I think everyone has.

3. How long have you been friends?
Depends on which friends, the current best friends have been for 3 years.

4. Have you ever fight with your friends?
Rarely. If we do, we make up again soon.

5. Do you trust your best friends?
I do.

6. How are you like in your friendships?
Well, go and ask my friends for that.

7. How many friends do you have?
Friends - A lot, best friends - around 5 most

8. Do you feel what your friends feel?
Sometimes.

9. Do you want to have new friends?
Sure.

10. What makes your friendship last long?
Our abilities to match our personalities, our abilities to make the differences between us work out and complete each other instead of separate us.

ABOUT LOVE

1. How many times have you been in a relationship?
One. I actually have another that I'm not so sure could be counted as a relationship, because looking back again I realized how stupid it was. Only last for 1-2 months anyway.

2. Do you fall in love easily?
I like people easily. I adore people easily. I get a crush on people easily. But not when it comes to falling in love.

3. Have you ever been in love?
Yes. Twice.

4. With whom did you have the longest relationship?
Told ya I only have one, so nothing to compare it with right?

5. Do you love him?
I did.

6. Are you still with him?
No.

7. Do you want to get back together with him?
That... depends. On a lot of things.

8. What does he mean to you?
Someone who has contributed to my life's history and left a mark in it.

9. How's your current relationship? What do you hope from it?
I am currently not in a relationship. I hope my next one will last long and that I can find Mr. Right.

10. How are you like in relationships?
I don't demand much, really. And I accept the fact that someone is not perfect, and I deal with it. If it's really bothering, I'll tell him about it and ask him to change. If he's willing to I'll give him a chance. I believe in second chance. Ending it isn't always the way to solve it. Because what'll happen if you're married? You stumble upon differences, and you just decide to break up? Not the way to work it out. We're meant to be different, to complete each other. It's different when it comes to betrayal, though. If he betrays me, one time is enough. It's gonna end right there and right then. I value loyalty. And trust. I hate when I'm not trusted, because what it's one of the most important things in a relationship.