Opening credits:	How Soon is Now - Love Spit Love
Waking up:	Evanescence - My Immortal
Average day:	Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
First date:	Careless Whisper - George Michael
Falling in love:	I Wanna Be With You - Mandy Moore
Love scene:	I Don't Want to Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Fight scene:	If Tomorrow Never Comes - Ronan Keating
Breaking up:	Yesterday - The Beatles
Getting back together:	We Could Still Belong Together - Lisa Loeb
Secret love:	Out of Reach - Gabrielle
Life's okay:	Only Time - Enya
Mental breakdown:	Through The Rain - Mariah Carey
Driving:	Where Is The Love - Black Eyed Peas
Learning a lesson:	Life Goes On - LeAnn Rimes
Deep thought:	Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore
Flashback:	I'll Be Missing You - Puff Daddy
Partying:	Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Muse
Happy dance:	Perfect Day - Hoku
Regreting:	Have You Ever - S Club 7
Long night alone:	All By Myself - Celine Dion
Death scene:	Emotions - Destiny's Child
Closing credits:	The Trouble With Love Is - Kelly Clarkson

Your Life: The Soundtrack brought to you by BZOINK!

Nice survey that was, thanks to Brook though. School feels like it would end in years today. Dunno why it seemed so long to get to the end of the day, but maybe I'm just PMSy. People have been annoying, okay not all people, but I don't get it why people just start ignoring you when you used to be a good friend of them just because something weird happened. Something weird that has been settled. Can't blame them though, I know I myself still feel uneasy to talk to people in those situations too. Confusing much? Nice. Anyway, this is also a problem, someone is trying to avoid me, and I dunno why. I've had a hard time dealing with her before, but I thought everything is settled now. But apparently behind my back she's still trying to avoid me even though she doesn't show it too obviously. But I know, it's too obvious. Blah, these two people are just the same. I'm tired of this. I don't care if she doesn't want me to find her though. Might as well start minding my own business. Seems like I should start learn never to assume anything. Because people don't think the same way as you, and when you think a problem is settled, that doesn't mean the person you were dealing with thought the same too. But then again, I have many sources. Maybe I should just hunt her down and see for how long she could runaway from me. Muaha.

I can't believe what happened yesterday. So I've already moved to the new class and caused the amount of students there to become 35, leaving the class of hell with 26 students only. But that wasn't just because of me, several friends also moved successfully to the other class. But no, the problem wasn't finished there and then. You would think once I'm happy and everything's settled, it's solved right? NO! You're wrong. The teachers wouldn't stop bothering and terrorizing us the next days, because that's what their true intentions right? To make me suffer. So they aren't happy coz the headmaster had moved me to the new class and I'm now happy, and they tried other ways to terrorize us, the oh so-called Switchee Group. First day after I moved, me and Switchee Group were called to the headmaster's office, and he said we needed to sign an official statement saying we would study well in the new class, because the other fuckin' teachers won't believe we're there to study. They thought we're there to just meet our friends and create chaos together [what an incredible fantasy!]. So we agreed and signed the letter, and you would thought it'd end there, right? RIGHT? NO. It hasn't ended. The next day my class supervisor interrupted Economy lesson and immediately I knew it was about us again, considering she was holding the student names list of both classes. And it was true of course. She said she'd been thinking of it a few times, and it's not good to tip the balance of the amount of students in both classes, 35 to 26. She said people would think there's something wrong with the other class [well, dude, it is RIGHT! So what's your problem?] and that our so-called 'good' school would be considered not capable of dividing the classes and the students well [THAT is also RIGHT, damn it! They're not capable!]. See? All they think about is themselves. Their images. How people would think about them. And of course once again, the STUDENTS are the one who would have to sacrifice.

She asked about 4-5 students to move to the other class, to make sure the amount of students won't be so obviously unbalanced. I basically was being deaf and blind, sleeping on my bag and ignoring her words. Wouldn't happen! If she expects me and the Switchee Group to go back to Class of Hell, newsflash, it WON'T happen. I am incredibly pissed off by this school now. They think what they do is for ours best. They keep saying that this year is the important year, that we all need to graduate successfully. Well, the problem is, they can't understand that IN ORDER TO DO THAT, I've searched for a better studying situation and environments. Three days I've spent in Class of Hell, and not a single silent minute I've got even though we were doing tests. I could BARELY concentrate at all, and they said they did that FOR OUR SAKE? Damn it, stupid cone-heads! They're just terribly WRONG, and I hope I could've spat these words to their face to make them understand once and for all and leave us alone. Finally three students volunteered to move, and the whole class was disappointed coz they were like the coolest buddies in the class. The situation grew tense with all of us emotionally triggered, and some of us were crying (yes I was crying too) because we began accusing each other, trying to intimidate everyone with guiltyness. I knew deep down inside they were hating ME, as some of them had said it would be better if the Switchees go back to their classes and let everything become just like it's used to be. I was ready to grab my bag and storm out of the class, dropping out of that fuckin' school as soon as possible of they were gonna approve the idea, but well, for once they were smart enough and didn't do that.

Really, I've been picturing myself dropping out of school a few times. It'd feel so damn satisfactioning I know. I'd just leave the school behind my back, running and running without stopping to nowhere. I swear I would've done that if I was told to go back to my previous class. Anyway, the three students were finally leaving our class, leaving us devastated as ever. It's NOT fair to ask me to go back to my previous class and make everything like how they used to be, but it is NOT fair either to ask someone who's been in that class since the start to move instead, for the sake of all of us. It's the TEACHER's fault, it's them who have ruined our life. However now thanks to them, I believe the whole class HATE ME. They hate me because I've moved there and forced their friend to move out, and I'm no longer welcome in neither class. Fine. That works out for me. I've been the forsaken since who knew how long. Damned you teachers.

Current Mood: Wanting to Die
Current Music: Anything enough to make me deaf and die



You represent... apathy.
You don't really show any emotion. You can be
considered cruel and cold, but you just don't
really care about anything. This is just the
way you are... you're quite a challenge to get
close to, and others may perceive you as
boring.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

It always happens. It does. No matter how I try to believe that it won't happen, it always do. Another new school year, and I don't know how many times I've been isolated from ALL my friends. Screw the fuckin stupid system in Indonesian schools that make us get stuck in one class for the whole year. Screw fate, who always do this to me. Screw my headmaster and teachers, who always act like they can help when actually they don't want to. It happened before on 7th grade, and it also happened on 11th grade. It's always only ME who's separated from all my friends. My friends NEVER have to worry about anything, AUTOMATICALLY and MAGICALLY they'll always be together in one happy class. And if they don't, they can ask to move ever so EASILY. And me? When it's my turn, they DON'T allow me to move at all. I'm STUCK in the class of hell for the whole year. With the lazy students and strangers that I'm sure will make me lose my will to study, that's now already so low. I mean there's just 2 classes, for goodness's sakes, with only so little chance I'd be separated with my friends. But it still happens. I'm still put in the class of hell somehow, and they're all in one happy class. I think the teachers have some great conspiracy behind this, because it's simply impossible this can happen numerous times. Or maybe it's because my name is always on top when my friends' are in the bottom. Gah. I HATE MY NAME.

You know what? I'll just do either one of these things:
- Die
- Get amnesia
- Runaway to Europe or America or whatever
- Just tell my Mom I don't wanna go to school anymore unless she can manage to move me to the right class
- Threat the stupid teachers with bomb or knives
- Threat them and say I'll kill myself if they don't do it
- Become numb and have a double personality and let the other personality take over while I hide inside my own body
- Pray for the end of the world

But of course, the only thing I can do is just go to that class everyday, become an emotionless person, never care about anything anymore, just sit at the back of the class or at the front, pay attention to the lesson and go back home without talking to anyone. Seriously, there's two choices I've been considering: Failing miserably with my scores so my teachers would know HOW it matters to be in a class with a good situation. Or turning into an extra smart and hardworking student, ignoring anything else that happens in the class and pretend that I'm the only student. Focus, study, do exams well, get good grades without even knowing who else is in the class. The second option looks better of course, but it needs great will, and thinking of it is always way easier than doing it.

However, if I DO change myself completely, I believe I could do that. Like I said, just be numb, emotionless, expressionless. Ignore everybody else, focus on the lessons. Yeah, that's what the new me would be, thanks to the teachers who put me in this class. I'd be one walking zombie with no feelings. Ignoring everyone, including my best friends. Because if I don't make friends anymore, I'll never be separated from anyone anymore. Everything happens for a reason, right? Well, I'd like to know the reason behind this, or else I'd really be this ignorant person that wouldn't talk to anyone just to survive each day.