Current Mood: Wanting to Die
Current Music: Anything enough to make me deaf and die



You represent... apathy.
You don't really show any emotion. You can be
considered cruel and cold, but you just don't
really care about anything. This is just the
way you are... you're quite a challenge to get
close to, and others may perceive you as
boring.


What feeling do you represent?
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It always happens. It does. No matter how I try to believe that it won't happen, it always do. Another new school year, and I don't know how many times I've been isolated from ALL my friends. Screw the fuckin stupid system in Indonesian schools that make us get stuck in one class for the whole year. Screw fate, who always do this to me. Screw my headmaster and teachers, who always act like they can help when actually they don't want to. It happened before on 7th grade, and it also happened on 11th grade. It's always only ME who's separated from all my friends. My friends NEVER have to worry about anything, AUTOMATICALLY and MAGICALLY they'll always be together in one happy class. And if they don't, they can ask to move ever so EASILY. And me? When it's my turn, they DON'T allow me to move at all. I'm STUCK in the class of hell for the whole year. With the lazy students and strangers that I'm sure will make me lose my will to study, that's now already so low. I mean there's just 2 classes, for goodness's sakes, with only so little chance I'd be separated with my friends. But it still happens. I'm still put in the class of hell somehow, and they're all in one happy class. I think the teachers have some great conspiracy behind this, because it's simply impossible this can happen numerous times. Or maybe it's because my name is always on top when my friends' are in the bottom. Gah. I HATE MY NAME.

You know what? I'll just do either one of these things:
- Die
- Get amnesia
- Runaway to Europe or America or whatever
- Just tell my Mom I don't wanna go to school anymore unless she can manage to move me to the right class
- Threat the stupid teachers with bomb or knives
- Threat them and say I'll kill myself if they don't do it
- Become numb and have a double personality and let the other personality take over while I hide inside my own body
- Pray for the end of the world

But of course, the only thing I can do is just go to that class everyday, become an emotionless person, never care about anything anymore, just sit at the back of the class or at the front, pay attention to the lesson and go back home without talking to anyone. Seriously, there's two choices I've been considering: Failing miserably with my scores so my teachers would know HOW it matters to be in a class with a good situation. Or turning into an extra smart and hardworking student, ignoring anything else that happens in the class and pretend that I'm the only student. Focus, study, do exams well, get good grades without even knowing who else is in the class. The second option looks better of course, but it needs great will, and thinking of it is always way easier than doing it.

However, if I DO change myself completely, I believe I could do that. Like I said, just be numb, emotionless, expressionless. Ignore everybody else, focus on the lessons. Yeah, that's what the new me would be, thanks to the teachers who put me in this class. I'd be one walking zombie with no feelings. Ignoring everyone, including my best friends. Because if I don't make friends anymore, I'll never be separated from anyone anymore. Everything happens for a reason, right? Well, I'd like to know the reason behind this, or else I'd really be this ignorant person that wouldn't talk to anyone just to survive each day.