Saturday, January 31, 2004

Just found a quiz about what emotion dominates me.. and decided to take it but not too seriously. However it's just a quiz, and here's what I got:

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most.

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Loneliness? Mm.. maybe. But I dunno. I just feel fabulous today. Although yesh, lately I feel lonely too, but I've went beyond that point, so everything's fine now.
Reading: Message in A Bottle - Nicholas Sparks

What a touching book. I know there has been a movie made based on this book, but I've never watched it before. The book tells us that destiny could really make two people who are meant for each other meet, and make it look like a coincidence. I believe in destiny, of course, and I believe people who are meant to be and destined to meet will finally find their way to each other and live happily ever after. It might sound childish, but I do believe destiny has a role in people's life. So.. anyway, this book tells about a man who had lost his wife because she died in a car accident, and he started to write letters for her then put it inside a bottle and threw it to the sea. And this woman who had been divorced from her husband found the letters, and she decided to meet the man (after a research she finally found his place) and without a doubt, both started to fell in love. I've always pictured my own first encounter with the person who's meant to be mine that romantic. It's very unique, unexpected, romantic, and of course the destiny takes a lot of part in it. I would so like one beautiful scene like that. I always like Nicholas Sparks, and his other book which is A Walk to Remember has been made as a movie as well and you know how it's also very romantic. Sadly the movie isn't as great as the book. Another book created by him is A Bend in The Road this also tells about how destiny made a couple meet and fall in love with each other. The ironic thing was that the man's wife died in an accident and the woman's brother was the one who killed her (accidentally, of course). But however they still love each other and they still live happily ever after. I love all of Nicholas's book, and hoping to find more in the school library.

Oh.. and the school fest today is cool, and I meet many friends as well, but nothing unexpected happened, unless I actually won the door prize but was too busy to hear my number being called. I knew of course I was overreacting to expect something new to happen but still the experience was nice. I didn't regret coming to it.

Friday, January 30, 2004

Miracle happens once in a while.. when you believe.

Song from Princess Diaries.. and it just happened to me. Well, suddenly my friend cancelled her plan to go somewhere today and tomorrow we'll be attending our school festival! Yay, and suddenly she's got another two tickets while we've already given ours to someone else! What a magical coincidence. So we can still come tomorrow. I dunno why I'm so excited to go.. probably only because it's my first time to attend my own school's event? No.. I guess there's something more. It's this feeling that I'll be experiencing something new.. or extraordinary. Probably just a crazy feeling but I feel the need to attend. Hope something really happens.. something unexpected. Whatever that is.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Ho-hum. Tomorrow we're gonna be leaving school earlier, at 12 pm to be exact, woo-hoo! But my friends can't go to the event that will be held in my school (some sort of bazaar) on Saturday and Sunday because they BOTH have to go somewhere else on Friday. Geez.. what a nice coincidence. I'm left alone, and I can't go to the event all by myself because what would I be doing there? Wandering alone? My other friends from other classes aren't coming either, and it's very disappointing because I've bought the ticket but no one wants to accompany me there. What's with long weekends and people going out of town in an instance? I do hope my family is planning to go out of town as well. Because Monday is a holiday. Tee-hee. What a life.

I got chosen in FGB's newest tournament, the Heartbreaker Tournament yeah! Cool, coz last time they open one I couldn't even get through Round 1 and the one before that I didn't even have time to sign up because it wasn't even opened for 24 hours. I hope in this tournament I could go quite far, especially because my teammates are great. T, my great Guide! I hope we can bring victory. I'll try to be as creative and descriptive as possible!

Another Quiz I took today:

What Snack Food are You?

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Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Ooh happy day. Well, not that happy, but at least better than yesterday or the day before. No history for the last two hours because we made the teacher angry, but hell yeah, he's weird himself so not completely our fault. I'm bored of FGB, believe it or not. Maybe because the huge obsession and devotion before that I posted too much in the game (yesh, people often forget that it's just a game) and now I get bored. And I can lessen my time in the Net. But now that I get bored with my two worlds; reality and cyber, I'm wondering where else I can have some fun. Maybe I'll just rent a whole lot of new movies and try to only copy a few from them, because I'm starting to feel guilty that I'm doing illegal things. But anyways, if I don't sell the copied movies it's not that illegal right? Coz I'm not having too many advantages from it except just saving a few more rupiahs coz I don't have to rent the movie over and over again everytime I want to see it once more.

Hey, unkymoods is back. I'm gonna put my mood pic again in this blog. Oh, and look what kind of lunatic I am. Probably this will explain the extreme whining I've been doing lately.

Back away slowly kiddies, this one's Deeply Disturbed

What Type of Lunatic are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Becca just got a news about Samantha! Coolness. Finally we're all able to know that she's okay. But she can't get to the internet for 4-6 months. We're gonna miss her muchos. I can't live without internet for 4-6 months! Gees. That's a big torture. But like what I've said before, I'm gonna lessen my time in the Net, cos it really isn't healthy. Look at an example in my tag Board. *rollseyes* So people watch out, don't get too obsessed. You might end just as pathetic as he is. Muaha.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Hope. Do I still have that? I do hope I still have hope. Whatever that means. I know I believe in hopes.

You represent... hope.
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Becca's got a new blog! Woo-hoo! It's blog madness everywhere. Today my little puppy bites my wrist and now I have a red line just below my artery (u know? blood vessel or something.. hard to find what it's called in English) so people would now suspect that I had once tried to kill myself by cutting my wrist. Although the truth is my PUPPY was the one who thought he could kill me by cutting my wrist with his teeth. Well, apparently the cut wasn't deep enough to kill me so yeah.. I'm still here, I'm still ranting, and I'm gonna grow up and be a cranky old woman, thanks to my puppy for giving that chance.

I just watched The Last Samurai.. what a movie. Full of types of killing from beheading to plain stabbing. Children shouldn't watch that, and I don't recommend it for those of you who have phobia against blood. Because blood was certainly spurting everywhere.. to tell you the truth it was actually a bit hyperbolic. It spurts too much and it's not normal you're able to know blood doesn't spurt that much. It's pure fake liquid or something. Blah.. what do I care? My wrist has just spurted real blood!! Grr.. thanks again to my puppy. I shall officially call this 'Bloody Day'.

Friday, January 23, 2004

I just watched Freaky Friday. Coolness! It's so funny that I had to laugh all by myself and feels like I'm crazy. I don't know how to describe it, but the acting is great and I love the storyline. The weird chinese mother is so damn crazy! At the end of the movie she almost managed to switch two more people's soul. Gee.. what's wrong with her? But the story is so touching anyways. I had to hold myself from crying near the end before they switched their bodies back. It's just beautiful. I'm glad I finally managed to buy it after seeing it everywhere and not having any chances to buy it. I'm definitely gonna watch it again someday. It's so funny and cool and sad and er.. romantic. Why do movies always have romantic scenes? Even if the main theme isn't about love? Blah.. I'm getting jealous again. But yeah, the guy was so cool, he really loved someone because of her personality, no matter in whose body she was. I'm so impressed. I would so like to find a guy like that. Someone who could see through you... someone who could see your inner beauty. Someone who could see who you are the way you are.. despite how ugly or beautiful you are. Oh yay. Coolness!
I don't go to school today. The usual reasons I skip school are:
1. I'm sick.
2. There's something big gonna happen that I don't like (e.g I have to make a speech, or I have to do story-telling, or anything that involves speaking in front of the crowd)
3. There's an assignment that is due that day but I can't find resources and I can't finish it.

But today nothing like those reasons exists.
I don't understand why I can't overcome my laziness today. It's only pure laziness that made me go back to sleep instead of going to school today. Let me make a list of excuses:
1. Yesterday was a holiday, today isn't, and tomorrow is a holiday again. It's definitely making you lazy.
2. I woke up late. My school starts on 7 and I woke up on 6.30. I can't overcome the laziness because the thought of having to hurry up if I don't wanna be late is tiring.
3. My mother actually asked whether I want to go to school or not (she gave me an option!! Who can resist that?)
That's all I can come up so far. Of course when I went back to sleep this morning I feel so comfortable that I can sleep again, but now I feel rather guilty. I should be in school right now. What's the big deal, it's just another boring day. Why can't I just go and do the right thing? I don't know! Maybe if I woke up earlier I would've gone to school. Maybe if I didn't have to rush.. maybe if my mother asked me to go instead of asking whether I want to go or not.. but even if I want to do the right thing now it's been done. I can't turn back time and change it. I guess I'll just enjoy my extra-holiday. However, what I miss is just another boring day at school, right?

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I am PRRROOOMOOOTEEDD! Finally, huh? It's like years of waiting. I can finally put FGB - 2 in my Coven Field! Yayness! It's so cool cool cool. I thought T's PM that tells me I'm promoted would never come. Thanks to the new system of promotion! I can even choose my next powers so fast coz I've been thinking of it for months. Sooo what are my next targets? I dunno. I'll just fight more everywhere I can. And if I wasn't picked as an RPG Trainer, maybe I should train more. This is getting boring, isn't this? Why can't I find cool quizzes to put in here? Okay. I'm gonna sneak to everyone else's blog and steal their quizzes instead. :D

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Okay, I blog twice a day for the first time. I'm actually trying to blog more, but is stuck. Ookay.. let's see what's interesting today. Er.. school? The fact that tomorrow is a holiday and the day after tomorrow isn't although it's Friday and on Saturday it would be a holiday again (damn school)? Mm.. nope. It's actually nothing interesting. Nothing. Zero. Nada. Zip. I'm waiting for Charmed Season Six! I'm so glad that the cable TV would air it on February 11th, because only God knows when my local TV station would air it, if not in the middle of the night again. To watch last season I had to stay up late until at least 1 A.M to watch it although it was a brand new season. Poor crazy little TV station.

I'm starting to think I'm too responsible because I go to school everyday although I don't enjoy it (of course, who does?) at all. Because I've met so many friends from outside my country who could just skip school easily, and I'm starting to get jealous with them. Although I don't know whether skipping school would turn out bad or not, I think it's quite nice as well if you can just decide what you can or what you can not do by yourself without being forced. I go to school because it's my responsibility, because I can't get a good job without going to school, and I need my paper that says that I've officially graduated from Senior High School. That's all my purpose of going to school, to tell you the truth. And yet you must not believe me because I got the first rank in the last semester. But yeah! People, face it, this is what a student in first rank thinks. She only goes to school because she have to. I barely study at home ever since I entered Senior High, because I was too lazy to do that. But I do study at school, a few hours before the exams. Thanks to my great memory, I could still get good grades. Although that doesn't help me in science subjects, which my scores had dropped quite drastically. I could still hold it high in Junior High, but now that I've turned into super-lazy mode and think it sucks and I don't want to learn what I don't like, I gave up on science subjects and let the scores dropped. Who cares anyway since I've chosen to choose social subjects instead, where my mind could be asked to co-operate and remember all the lines in it. I HATE school, and I only try to get good grades to satisfy my parents. I don't want to get knowledge, no, that was history and only theory. I wish I could finish school as soon as possible.
NEW LAYOUT!! Whoo-hoo! See how cool it is? All credits are given to Tya/Ireth for the awesome layout. It took me hours to put it up, though, but I'm very satisfied. See how beautiful Piper's faces look! Ooh.. when will I be able to make my own layout? I really wanna learn to do it. I don't think I would change this layout again for a long time, though, coz it's so beautiful. Third version of layout already.. but it's improving fast.

My mother is starting to get worried because I spend all time after school in front of my computer til very late. She said she couldn't even have time to talk with me and that I need to spare more time outside the internet world. I myself have been quite worried as well, though, considering how I can't seem to finish everything I was doing in the Net immediately and that I can't spare anymore time for anything else. I'll try to lessen my time in the Net, and not to get obsessed with RPGs, Message Boards, and especially C:tP anymore. I'll try to divide my time in both worlds better. Hmm.. I hope I could do that. I don't think it's healthy either to stay in front of your computer for about.. 12 hours. (My record. But that's when I was working on my school writing assignment, so that's not counted. It's inevitable!)

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Samantha is missing!! She hasn't been around for about a week, and according to Becca that's so weird and unusual. I'm starting to miss her as well, I want her to come back! What could possibly be her excuse for not coming online for so long? She has never been grounded and she has two computers. God, I hope nothing bad had happened to her. I hope she's okay and will come back soon. T's office is being ruled by the newbies now that our Ms. Second-in-Command is not around. But Queen Becca is trying to get rid of all of them, though. She's being mean to them. :D

I won three categories from the FGB Awards!! Best Demon Portrayal by me as a GMA (and two demons, not only one!), Best Group 13 Member, and... er.. you might not want to know this. I'm also winning The Biggest Flirt category. Was it from the time when I use to come to Havoc and er.. 'play around' with Ryan? But that wasn't exactly flirting! I'm just responding to his actions. And I'm not a flirt at all, especially in real life. It's horrible just to imagine me being a flirt. Bah, weird votes. But considering they still list my old username as the Biggest Flirt, it must definitely be from the time I was close to Ryan. Who had been watching me flirting?? Er.. not exactly flirting, I must tell you again! Whatever, duh. I'm confused as well. Well, since I've changed my username, I've also been a different person either. Let the new me only known as the Best Group 13 Member and the best GMA thing. Thank goodness I'm listed with my old username as the Biggest Flirt. Uhh.. it's horrible.

Okay, I'm requesting for promotion! I've achieved if not 100% requirements then maybe 90%. I've participated a hell lot of activities in FGB, every meeting and all that stuff. I've been going in and out WWD and SMG for months. I shall deserve to be promoted, shouldn't I? I'm very devoted to FGB cos I love it so much. I've taken part in most of its activities, including the RPGs and the newspaper (FGB in Focus). I'm rambling about FGB again? Whatever. You guys who don't know about it might wanna know, so check the Charmed: The Prophecy link in this blog. It's real fun. But if you don't want to, well, you can keep reading my blog without knowing what I'm talking about. The choice is yours! :D

Monday, January 19, 2004

How many days exactly since the last day I blogged? Blah, who cares. FGB has got a new promotion system, allowing us to 'request' to be promoted! Finally we don't have to depend on inactive teammates. But I don't know why I don't want to be rushed to request my promotion. Suddenly I feel I need to make sure I've achieved 100% of the requirements. I want to be fully qualified.

Hm.. my chat friends are all having problems. I'm starting to feel I can't runaway from real life's problems anymore because everywhere I go people have problems. What is wrong with this so-called Monkey year? Is that really a bad year? I don't wanna believe. I'm having a weird relationship with everyone but today my mood is happy, which is so seldom to happen especially in Monday morning. Puh-lease, everybody hates Monday morning. But today I feel good. My teacher has just been married and my whole class is celebrating it today, so no Math for the first three hours. I can't believe it. How could the Math teacher of Senior High marries the Math teacher from Junior High? I don't want to know the brain of their children. They must be super genius. They maybe wouldn't even need to study Math at all anymore.

Ahh.. weddings. That's the topic lately as well. I just bought a book about a wedding story. It's so romantic that I wanted to cry. And made me jealous too, of course. And made me start to wonder what the scene would be like when I'm the one who's being proposed. Would it be in the crowd? Would it be in a romantic quiet place? Whatever it is, it must be really special. Valentine's day is ahead. Is that what's making everyone acts like love is in the air? It's not, duh, bacteries are. *Cough*

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Okay,I gave up on Kazaa. I've went through a long way by downloading Windows Media Player first, then Kazaa version 2.6 and then tries to download Kazaa Lite K++ from the regular Kazaa because it's much more faster and cooler, and I can't download it from the official site without paying (see the irony? I use the official program instead to download it) But whenever I try to install it always says Kazaa Lite is currently running and I need to close it first. Although obviously I can't even get it installed. Well, I gave up if I can't install it. It's Kazaa Lite K++ or no Kazaa at all. I gave up on The Sims as well. Coz it takes way too much space in my already crowded computer. So I've restored the rest of the programs back.

You know what? I can be a fortune-teller for myself sometimes. Since so far only the worst things happened to me, today when we had to draw a ticket to decide which of the teachers we'll have as our judges--or I better call them questioners--for the final writing test (I dunno how to describe this in English. We have to make a writing at least 20 pages about a subject and then after we finish it we'll have a test about it, an oral test to be exact, so we'll have to memorize the whole book and answer the questions from the questioners correctly to prove it was really us who did the assignment, I guess), I saw the list of judges and quickly stared at the worst pair of judges. That moment I knew I was going to get that one. Although I drew the ticket with some hope, it turned out that I was right. I got the worst pair of judges. See? I'm good at telling my own fortune--or should I start calling it bad luck.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Huge computer crash! And the whole Windows need to be changed. Let me list what I've lost so far:
1. Kazaa! My Kazaa and My Shared Folder where my career lies! (maybe this is a curse for doing illegal career?) Sorry people, cannot do your CD requests in a while.
2. Yahoo Messenger. Can always download that again fast.
3. Windows Media Player. Apparently Kazaa won't work without this, and it's taking ages to download.
4. MSN Messenger. Damn this one takes ages too! Going to ask someone who already has it on disk.
5. IE 6. I can't believe they change my IE back to 5 when I've upgraded it not so long ago! Now I can't see colorful scrollbars anymore and I'll have to upgrade it all over again. Gone now the whole upgrading I just did a few weeks ago.
6. Flash. I won't be able to play Neopets games anymore. But who cares? I'm bored of it.
7. The Sims!! My whole Sims with its expansion packs are gone. I'll have to re-install it from the first version, damn it. I lost my family again when I'm so close to getting them paired (although two became lesbians)
8. Okay, I don't know what else and don't wanna know or I'll be totally freaked out.

I'm gonna spend the next few days to restore the whole things and hopefully they won't clutter up my harddisk anymore and make this computer hang again then crash again and repaired again and be cleaned again. Otherwise this whole cycle would never end. Damn, why the only things I don't lost are some useless programs that I don't even know what to use?

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Everything happens for a reason.. which is trying to drive me crazy from depression. That's officially my new motto. I don't know what happened to the stars or whether a supernatural cosmic phenomenal thing that happens only every 100 years is taking place above me, but obviously any problems that I could come up with are happening at the same time. All in a day. It was just too much I know I'll drive myself crazy. See? I can't stop ranting in this blog now. It's just hard to keep me sane nowadays. I'm afraid I'll be gone crazy in a few days. It's amazing how I can still appear to be like a girl with no problems at all in life. Because I'm obviously breaking down. I will cry without obvious reasons at night when I try to recall things that happened in that day. I'm afraid of myself. I'm turning into a psycho depressed woman. And apparently my health is turning upside down too. So I'm practically wounded both physical and spiritual. Everything going on inside my body is obviously wrong; from constant big headaches to small toothaches. And my feelings are really screwed, my heart, my dissapointment, everyone is trying to bring me down. Even my computer--the only thing that I depend on--was screwed yesterday. So I thought I would've been nuts.

But you know what? That night, after having a pity on myself, cursing that my soul is trapped in this body with its destiny and all that, I prayed. I started to say a long, long prayer. I could not stand my problems anymore and all I could think who can help me strong is God. Well, you probably will stop reading this now coz you think I've started to preach, but that's up to you. Because I cannot force you, but I just want to share. Anyway, I just thought of Him, and I believed whatever He put me through He'll lead me through. So He won't let anything that I can't handle happens to me. I just prayed and prayed, ignoring the tears welling up in my eyes and started to remember all the good things I have in life. All the good things He had given me. And I started to thank Him. I listed all good things, even some bright sides of the worst things happened, and I thanked for all of that. I thanked for every single goodness I have in my life; my parents, my family, my good economy, my good grades, my skills and abilities. Every person, every friend, even everyone who broke my heart, I thanked for them. Then after I finished the prayer, I said to myself that I still have those all good things and it's nothing compared to bad things that happened earlier. I'm still luckier than a few other people. I kept looking at the bright side and I kept praying.

And all of a sudden my tears stopped. I felt a peace, a serenity inside my heart. My disappointment, my anger, and my fear were gone. Replaced by peace and happiness. Even in the down times in my life I must always thank God for the good things I have. I realized I need to be closer to Him, because it doesn't matter how bad my life is in this world, the one that matters is my after life. I need to make sure I'll not suffer even more after I died. And the only way is by staying close to Him. All of my burdens were lifted up from my shoulders, and I can feel that I'm okay now. Some problems still stay but I'm stronger. I can overcome them. I obviously can. This is just a series of test. You all probably wouldn't believe this, but try yourself. When everything around you seem to bring you down, start thanking Him for everything good that you still have. You'll eventually feel better. At least that's what I experienced. Whether you're gonna believe it or not, I have no control of it.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

You are GILL!
What Finding Nemo Character are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Stole that quiz from T's journal. T you evil I cannot comment in your journal coz I don't have an LJ account!

My bloggi is boring! Has nothing to rant about. Samantha made me want Oreo! I'm hungry hungry hungry. LOL the drama in T's office is so funny. I wonder if the new people will stand Bec's ebilness! And her ebil duckies too of course. LOL I thought Bec hated me when I can't come up with a way to help Lizzie yesterday, coz she suddenly left our conversation. It's just I had to go to a family funeral and I was quite distracted. I do want to help Lizzie and I know how you love her, Bec. Gotta try to talk to her too soon if we meet.

Blah, what should I write in this blog? If I write much about the message boards where I join, the people from my school wouldn't understand at all. If I write much about school it'll be boring and probably not understandable either by my friends from the internet. Ha! Like I want to talk about school? The schedule sucks! I know I love English the best, but if I hear one more time people say "English" I'm gonna have to slap him or her. We've had English for the whole week! About eleven or thirteen hours in total. Gosh, it's just so damn boring. I can't pay attention at all because it's so boring boring boring. They've turned our class into a language class, or specifically an English class. All we do and learn is English. Whoever created the "so-called-emergency-schedule" should be smacked. After all, school is never too nice for me. More people consider me a freak. I must learn more to ignore them. Cos as far as I can see, they're more pathetic than me. And no, I'm not talking about relatives anymore. These are just friends. Or at least friends in "formal" category, coz hell no I'm having real friends like them. People may consider me a freak because I don't speak too much to them, but if they want to know the truth about me they shall ask my best friends. They shall know how much I can talk to them if we're best friends. I just don't talk much to those who aren't so close to me and they think I'm a weirdo. No, cousin, I'm not talkin' bout you. It's other people. They feel that they can't stand me. They think I'm a pathetic weirdo who cannot do anything but to keep silent. Well, they are more pathetic! I don't care at all! You mind your own freakin' business, people. I could become harsh if I want to, but I'm trying to be nice and patient. Just please.. don't mess with me in my real life. Might look vulnerable there, but am not here. And I don't care if you think that's pathetic. The real me is me in here, so one more time mind your own freakin business and stay away from me if you don't like me!!

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

What a tiring day. We've got PE today and we had to run around the school complex. And tomorrow with the weird schedule we'll have PE again! That means we'll gonna have to run again.. bah, I'm not even recovered yet.. my feet are very tired! And now I'm alone in my house, just chatting over MSN but is too blank to find something to be talked about. I'm blank blank BLANK. And I don't know what I am feeling, good because Unky moods is down and I don't have to look for a pic that describes my mood now best. Because I don't even know what I'm feeling. Do they have options for 'Empty'? Or maybe.. 'Blank'? What is wrong with people talking about "Love" lately? Oh yeah, almost forgot. Valentine is one month ahead. The day that is most hated by people who don't have lovers.. like me. Okay, I don't hate it, I'm just not that enthusiastic. BORED. I'm glad it's on Saturday so we don't have to go to school and stare at lovers being so romantic that day. I've received chocolates only from my friends every Valentine. It sucks sometimes. Bah. Who cares? I'm tired. I'm bored. And I'm just like my username in C:tP, Emotionless. Maybe I don't have any emotions anymore. Coz I can't even feel sad anymore. I'm just blank. I don't care about anything anymore. If problems decide to stay over me, I'll welcome them with open hands.

Monday, January 05, 2004

What a boring day. The school's teachers were successful in making us getting up so early only to meet our friends for an hour and go home again. An hour. How brilliant. I hope everyday's time schedule could be like that. Well, it was quite nice coz it was our first day in school this year. So everyone was just relaxing and chatting about what they did in the holidays.

Bah, I need to send in a bio for CB's Castle Aurora. Why do you always have to write bios? It is tiring. Is anyone interested in joining Castle Aurora in CB? (Sorta like FGB in C:tP) coz if yes I would be granted 200 gils (their money) if I managed to gain members to join Castle Aurora. Just don't forget to mention my name.. I'm totally out of money there. Do you think Druid is a cool species? Actually I don't really think so. But since I was looking for earthy species there were only two which were Nature Spirits and Druids. Nature Spirits are more elegant and beautiful, but Druids have better powers. Now I know how bad it is that you must stick to your Species' powers (like in ADA). I'm glad as an FGBer I can choose my powers in every promotion. Good that Castle Aurora has General Power Tables too though where we can choose our optional power. But in Tru Calling, where I joined Guardians of Light, they have made power tables for each level so everyone in the same level would have the same powers! Woah, that's really terrible and not creative. But oh well, I'm just babbling about these RPGs again.

Oh yes! Speaking of RPG, I got two roles at once in another FGB RPG which is The Buffy Chronicles. Great, isn't it? Adri told me coz they believe I'm a good RPer I can handle two roles. Yay! Very nice. At last someone appreciates my RP skills. Next step would be joining one of the hardest RPGs.. C:tP's RPGs! Yesh, gotta have that as the next target. Just one step closer... wait.. am I getting myself obsessed again? Bah, I don't care. I need as much fun as I can get. Which is sinking my nose deeper into the RPG world.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Ryan left me!! Okay, not so hysterical. No.. he just said he found someone else nicer. Bah. I know I know.. I'm not even good enough to have a guy over the internet. It wasn't enough that someone from real life rejected me. Fine! I'll live without a guy. Fair enough? I think I don't have that much chemistry with guys.. in real life or in the internet. I don't care anymore.. why can't I stop thinking about having someone that would love me? Oh yes, because I watch too much romantic movie. Gotta stop that and change them into action movies instead. Yesh, I'm gonna rule the world with girl power. We don't need guys!! Huh.. Except for making descendants probably. Bah! I don't wanna talk about it now. I know I know I'm overreacting you don't have to scream it to me I know.. I don't know why but I'm just being sensitive lately. Somehow my emotions can't be controlled and troubles are coming over me at once making me find them too hard to be handled all at once. Problems, problems, problems. Damn. And no one to stand by me and support me. Oh! No way, I still got my friends, right? Yeah! The super girl friends power! Of course. Gonna be online in MSN and Yahoo much more to chat with my LOYAL friends and probably gonna fight much in WWD now since I've got wrath that can easily be spilled on the nasty ADAers. Yesh. Going to WWD now.

Ugh. Wait. What was I being so hysterical about? It's no big deal, is it? I'm not even his real girlfriend.. so why am I acting so bitchy? Nah.. must have lost my mind a bit there. Well.. I'll just try to win his heart back.. or maybe win someone else's heart instead. No biggie! Bah, damn hormones making weird hysterical emotions. Just forget it. Don't worry, I'm not a nasty-dumped-girlfriend-that-cant't-life-without-her-damn-bf. I'm just a girl-who-just-lost-her-best-friend or whatsoever. I'm okay. I'm fine. I didn't lost my mind. I'm gonna fight for promotions! Yesh, much adrenaline pumping to be spilled over ADAers. Still going to WWD now.

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Just watched Lord of The Rings: Return of The King!! Hm.. not so nice quality of the DVD but it made me cry after all. So happy-ending and sad at the same time! Huh.. finally the task is done, and I can imagine how relieved they were when the ring's burden was finally gone. The whole three times three hours of movie only because of one damn ring. How ironic. But the story was so beautiful.. *sniff* And I almost see myself in Eowyn's eyes when Aragorn said he couldn't give her what she seek.. OOh damn hurt that was. Anyway, Legolas was still single til the end and I was quiet happy to see that. ^^;

Okay, what else am I gonna write today? I can't find nice quizzes.. or too lazy to do so. C:tP is nice after the revamp, but somehow I found not much thing I can do anymore in there, it's just isn't as active as usual. Probably because the spam fest everywhere had been cleared.. I dunno, seems like something is just missing. And I can't keep reminding myself to attend the ChatRPG!! God, Brook, why don't you just kick me out of it. I dunno why this memory isn't enough to remind me every Saturday five PM!! I even remembered it this afternoon but then my mother surprised me by bringing LOtR DVD and I totally forgot about it until the movie ended at half past eight PM. Bah, so much problem with my short-term memory. But where is Brook anyway? He hasn't appeared in C:tP since the revamp.

Friday, January 02, 2004

Second day of the New Year. Yesterday I found my cousin's blog and was quite surprised to find out that she kind of.. hate me? Huh, probably because I didn't show much respect when she came to my house and I didn't show up. Well, the truth is I had a huge headache that day that I had to sleep the whole day until morning. I know, bad timing, but I didn't ask for the headache. You know what? Apart from that day, I know I'm being kind of rude in school as well. I don't really pay attention or talk much with friends that aren't my best friends. Although I can communicate easily with my best friends and laugh with them freely but I don't know why I just can't be like that with everyone else. It takes time for me to get closer, know better, and finally open up myself. I don't ask for the low skill of communication I have, and trust me, me myself hate it so much that I can't easily talk to everyone like what I wanted to. But now people start to hate me because of that inability. Well, me myself didn't ask for it, thank you very much!! Damn, how could I be good friends to everyone if I have such a low skill of communication? I just can't create dialogues easily with people that aren't so close to me. Except through writings of course. In the internet world I can easily communicate with everyone through texts. That's why I spend most of my time here in the internet world, because I don't find myself fit well in the real world's communication.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

It's 2004! And apparently my parents asked me to celebrate New Year last night in a mall so it wasn't that boring after all. I even managed to complete an un-planned last year resolution which is telling someone I love that I really love him. Although he didn't feel the same feeling as me but he still wants to be my good friend. He even didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying that he didn't like me.. oh well, thank goodness he's not arrogant or heartless. I've met that kind of person before and believe me he's so annoying that I just want to blow him up into pieces. What is wrong with people with no heart? It's a gift that someone actually loves him but he underestimated me and rejected my feeling with harsh words. I'll never forget that person forever.

Oh well. Here I've got two people I love the most, the person that I just told that I love him and of course.. Ryan. Both are very meaningful to me and I'm so proud of myself that I can finish last year's last hours with something important so now I can leave it behind and begin with something new. No more days filled with tears, no more days filled with sorrow. He has known my feelings and he can't hurt me anymore. I hope this year which I have began with goodness will end with happiness too. A new day has come, and I just want to say to all people that I know, those who are reading my blog, those who are too far to be reached, those who are always here with me, I love you all so much and I just realized how much you all mean to me. How much you all have supported me through last year and I believe you all will in this year and forever too. You're all the best people I've ever known.
Desperate Secrets - Secrets of my desperation in life from the past and present


Alias: Cornelia
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Location: Indonesia
Birthdate: 03 Sept 1987
Star Sign: Virgo
Birthstone: Sapphire
Planet: Mercury
Element: Earth
Favorite Color: Lime Green
Obsession: Alias
Occupation: Freelance Translator
University Major: Integrated Marketing Communication
Live Journal: Private Eyes
Graphic Journal: Nocturne Love
Fan Fiction Journal: Three Decades
I am worth $2,045,034


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